Deadly virus phone threat causes panic

Original article

Hi Mama, it’s me – were
you watching TV? Were
you doing something? Er,
I just had to ring yer
to give you a warning
I heard of this morning:
unless you’re desirous
of catching a virus,
don’t answer that call, Ma.
The chance may be small, ya?
But, if phone-bacteria
creep into your ear, you’re
a goner, it’s lethal –
your bones and your teeth’ll
disintegrate, shatter;
your belly gets fatter
and swells like a melon
and gurgles like hell an’
your nostrils start bleeding;
your hair starts receding;
your toenails turn turquoise;
your elbows don’t work; noise-
es come from your colon,
your nose gets a mole on
the tip that explodes and
attracts nematodes and
they’ll chew up your eyeball
and burrow inside all
the cracks in your brain; then
they’ll send you insane when
they munch cerebellum
(your friends’ll all smell ‘em),
and once they infest they’ll
move onto the rest; they’ll
all multiply, thrive and
they’ll eat you alive and
if, Ma, that disgusts you
then here’s my main thrust: you
should BLOODY WELL GET OFF THE PHONE!

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