Monthly Archives: March 2009

Australian man wrestles kangaroo intruder

Original article

In the Canberra night, all seemed quiet, or not quite –
whilst Beat Ettlin was settling in bed
in his Bond’s underwear, an intruder prepared
an attack that would fill him with dread.

Then it launched its assault with a vigorous vault
to our underpant hero’s divan.
The mysterious ninja began to impinge
on the sleep of our slips-sporting man.

He adjusted his briefs, then he busted the thief
that had hatched such a hullabaloo.
But imagine his awe when he suddenly saw
he was pushing a bush kangaroo.

With a wicked left hook, Ettlin walloped the crook
as it capered around on the couch.
Then our boxer-clad boxer delivered a shock
with a skillful one-two to the pouch.

His shreddies were shredded, his bed was in threads
and his briefs had been brutally breached.
In this undeclared war, Mr Undie-clad swore
no surrender could ever be reached.

So he wrestled the roo to the floor, then he threw
the marsupial out of the door.
It hopped back to the bush, whilst our victor’s poor tush
was left raw and incredibly sore.

Cow urine drink set to launch

Original article

My drink will beat all other drinks
(or so this hard-line Hindu thinks).
It packs a special punch – and how?
It’s pre-digested by a cow.
Yes, mine’s the only kind of fizz
that’s freshly brewed from bovine whizz.
What soda boasts the sanctity
of holy Hindu cattle pee?
Not Pepsi-cola, Coke or Sprite;
though Red Bull sounds as though it might,
I must assure you: none but this
has healthy, wholesome heifer piss.